The Kiss

I am so confused.  Roan is five, not fifteen.  He is hanging out with like-minded kids who own some pretty good parents.  So how is it that these little suckers are outwitting me already?

I went to Roan’s school to help with lunch (Yes, I am the lunch lady, once a week.  Minus the hair net thank-you-very-much).  My position there has nothing to do with food and everything to do with wrangling.  So in making my rounds, I glanced at my son holding his lunchbox smashed to his face.  You know, he’s five and he’s somewhat peculiar so I kept on moving.  I passed by him a few minutes later and he was still holding the lunchbox to his face.  I talked the lunchbox down, raised an eyebrow and asked “What does this mean with the lunchbox smashed onto your face?”

 

“She’s trying to kiss me” he said totally giggly and goofy and pointed at his friend sitting next to him.  His friend erupted into laughter and screamed, “But! I! Really! Want! A! Kiss!”

 

Well.

 

I calmly told them that there’s no kissing in school except for kisses from me, then I kissed Roan and moved on.  Walking away I knew there was some way I was probably supposed to feel about that. Also there was some thing I probably should have done about that.  However, I just didn’t know what it was.

 

The next night, we had the legendary Sophia and the family she owns over for dinner.  Roan and Sophia disappeared in and out of different rooms throughout the night.  At one point, they both ran into the middle of where the big folk were congregated, to announce in unison, “We just kissed…..on the lips!” 

 

Well.

 

They ran around for a little while and we who call ourselves “adults” sort of looked at each other with that certain question in the room.  Are we supposed to object?  Are we supposed to think it’s cute?  Are we supposed to have a big talk?  Small talk?  Would a raised eyebrow do the trick?

 

While I was doing the dishes I got Roan in the kitchen with me.  Sophia trailed him.  I picked them up and plopped them on the bar, so we could speak, grown person to not so grown person.  I asked them both if they really kissed.  They did not deny the kiss.  Then I asked them how they felt about it.  Almost identical embarrassed shrugs and eyes looking to the ceiling.  So I told them that if they did it again, all their teeth would fall out, they’d grow fur on their palms and be totally unemployable.  

 

I wish.  That’s who I should be.  But no, it went more like this.  I asked Roan if I could kiss him.  He said yes, and I did.  I asked Sophia if I could kiss her, she said yes and I did (we’re down like that, Sophia and I).  I asked each of them if it felt weird or bad or embarrassing to be kissed by a mom.  No, it didn’t.  So then I asked if they wanted to kiss each other, and they both said “no”, and I told them that until that feeling goes away, whatever that feeling is that makes it feel not right – they shouldn’t be kissing each other.

 

That seemed to be the appropriate thing to do.  But then again I am a no-toothed, furry palmed totally unemployable hack over here.  What do you think?  Should I have said more?  Less?  Nothing?  I’m listening….