The Kiss

I am so confused.  Roan is five, not fifteen.  He is hanging out with like-minded kids who own some pretty good parents.  So how is it that these little suckers are outwitting me already? 

I went to Roan’s school to help with lunch (Yes, I am the lunch lady, once a week.  Minus the hair net thank-you-very-much).  My position there has nothing to do with food and everything to do with wrangling.  So in making my rounds, I glanced at my son holding his lunchbox smashed to his face.  You know, he’s five and he’s somewhat peculiar so I kept on moving.  I passed by him a few minutes later and he was still holding the lunchbox to his face.  I talked the lunchbox down, raised an eyebrow and asked “What does this mean with the lunchbox smashed onto your face?”


“She’s trying to kiss me” he said totally giggly and goofy and pointed at his friend sitting next to him.  His friend erupted into laughter and screamed, “But! I! Really! Want! A! Kiss!”




I calmly told them that there’s no kissing in school except for kisses from me, then I kissed Roan and moved on.  Walking away I knew there was some way I was probably supposed to feel about that. Also there was some thing I probably should have done about that.  However, I just didn’t know what it was.


The next night, we had the legendary Sophia and the family she owns over for dinner.  Roan and Sophia disappeared in and out of different rooms throughout the night.  At one point, they both ran into the middle of where the big folk were congregated, to announce in unison, “We just kissed…..on the lips!” 




They ran around for a little while and we who call ourselves “adults” sort of looked at each other with that certain question in the room.  Are we supposed to object?  Are we supposed to think it’s cute?  Are we supposed to have a big talk?  Small talk?  Would a raised eyebrow do the trick?


While I was doing the dishes I got Roan in the kitchen with me.  Sophia trailed him.  I picked them up and plopped them on the bar, so we could speak, grown person to not so grown person.  I asked them both if they really kissed.  They did not deny the kiss.  Then I asked them how they felt about it.  Almost identical embarrassed shrugs and eyes looking to the ceiling.  So I told them that if they did it again, all their teeth would fall out, they’d grow fur on their palms and be totally unemployable.  


I wish.  That’s who I should be.  But no, it went more like this.  I asked Roan if I could kiss him.  He said yes, and I did.  I asked Sophia if I could kiss her, she said yes and I did (we’re down like that, Sophia and I).  I asked each of them if it felt weird or bad or embarrassing to be kissed by a mom.  No, it didn’t.  So then I asked if they wanted to kiss each other, and they both said “no”, and I told them that until that feeling goes away, whatever that feeling is that makes it feel not right – they shouldn’t be kissing each other.


That seemed to be the appropriate thing to do.  But then again I am a no-toothed, furry palmed totally unemployable hack over here.  What do you think?  Should I have said more?  Less?  Nothing?  I’m listening….


17 responses to “The Kiss

  1. Sounds fine to me…probably could have gotten away with saying nothing also. They both seemed aware enough of their discomfort in kissing each other to not bother with it again…till much later that is. What did the pastor & wife say?When Gabe was in kindergarten the teacher called me in for a talk about his disruptive behavior. I thought, OMG, I have a problem child and never knew it! But lo, he was hugging other kids and touching them kindly. Big NO-NO in public school. What’s worse is some of the kids didn’t like it.What does this say of their familiarity with affection? I hated having to tell him to reign in his loving of others…this would have never happened in Brazil. I wish I could express love and touch with the freedom that some of my Latino friends do.Just one of those societal taboos that we have to work around, or with. But hey, a kiss is just a kiss…yummy :*

  2. LeLaLu!Sister I love your style. I definately think that Roan has a big affectionate streak in his hardwiring. I love that about him and wouldn’t crush it for anything. Sounds like our boys – all of yours and my one – are pretty similar creatures. I think I’ve realized isn’t the kissing that has made me think and think, it is me wanting Roan to have the voice to say “yes” or “no”, based on how he feels in a situation rather than go along with it. Ultimatley, I just want him to follow his heart and soul, and this was my way of trying to get him to locate those feelings. Perhaps we should all just move to Brazil together? I do believe beach living would be right up my alley.

  3. Hey, Jodi! Please forgive me if I do this wrong; this is the first time I’m commenting to your blog (which i love to read). I just wanted to mention that /I/ remember my first “kiss” and it happened in kindergarten, too — his name was Jesse, we played 101 Dalmations together, and we were the boy doggy and the girl doggy who had all the puppies. Almost two decades later, I haven’t seen Jesse since I was nine, I didn’t get another kiss from a boy for almost ten years — and everything turned out just fine for me. From what you write, Roan sounds like a loving, affectionate boy, and I’m pretty sure this is just “one of those things” that happens to kids his age — call it puppy love. 😉

  4. I think you’re way awesome 🙂

  5. De-lurking to say I think you handled it great! Sounds like you let them know affection was okay as long as everyone involved feels good about it. You know, my first kiss was in kindergarten, too…must be something about the age?

  6. Hey Lauren!Thanks for commenting – you did it perfectly, of course. I think it’s sweet that you remember Jesse and your kiss so vividly. I’m good with the idea of puppy love.

  7. Ajda – Dang. Thanks!Julie – I think kindergarten is such an interesting age – they yo-yo between needing independence and needing reassurance. I guess that’s sort of our whole lives, huh? Speaking of….thanks for the reassurance! Also – I love the Wordle thing on your blog. Great site!

  8. Hey Jodi,I think I know who it was that tried to kiss him…we had a little chat and she said she just can’t help herself, she likes Ro Ro so much 9she blushed and everything!). Nonetheless we talked about how kissing, especially at school, is not a good idea. We’ll see how lunch goes next week…

  9. Ha! Well can you imagine if it would have been someone else? There would have been a rumble! Oh geez man what can I say – they’re pure magic together. Sometimes black magic but still. I have a feeling that Roan plays coy when I’m around but it’s a different story otherwise. Well as LeLaLu says: But hey, a kiss is just a kiss…yummy. She’s not wrong.

  10. I’m right there with you on this “young love” thing. My son is in 2nd grade and has had the same “girlfriend” all year. I have not heard of them kissing (and to my knowledge he pretty much tells me all) but I know the day will come and I hope my response is as cool and full of wisdom as yours was. I have found most of the time if I don’t make a BIG DEAL out of something he usually “reforms” his own behavior in a positive way.

  11. When my little brother was about Roan’s age, he had a female friend like Sophia. They were amazingly adorable together. (I remember a time where the two of them drank an entire gallon of milk in one sitting together.) They decided they wanted to be like me and my ‘boyfriend’ at the time and kiss (I think I kissed ONCE in front of them.). Their definition of kissing was to push their mouths together hard as they could as they giggled until their teeth ground together too much. It was adorable and my mother gave my brother a similar talk about kissing.He and I were both raised to show loads of affection – hugging total strangers has been a pastime of ours. He is a polite young man (at age 14) now who is able to show affection when it’s asked for and to keep it close when people are uncomfortable around it. (He grew out of kissing his young friend as well. They are purely platonic these days.) I think Roan will be fine – you seemed to do a great job talking to him about it. 😀

  12. Carla – well I must say that it being said anything I’ve ever done is “full of wisdom” might just be a first. Typically it’s said that I’m full of something else, but we’ll just leave that. You’re totally right about the BIG DEAL thing. That’s what I’ve got to learn. Not everything is a life lesson.

  13. Kiya – awwwww that is sweet coming from a big sister. I’m happy to hear your brother and you were encouraged to show affection I DO believe that’s important. Hugs work true magic with most people. At the right time, anyway. They can also be slightly creepy at the wrong time. So I suppose that’s the point, right? Timing and appropriateness of the situation. Thanks for reading!

  14. I’m taking notes for when I have kids. Seriously.

  15. Why do I continually hear Willard saying “I think she’s been kissed a lot.”As for your situation… my boys don’t get chased by the girls all that much because they look so much like me. But at least they don’t smell like me.

  16. When my eldest son was in KG, he and his friend T were quite the item (as much as you can be in KG, that is). I chaperoned his field trip. He wanted to sit with me on the way there, but on the way home, he hopped off to sit with T. When we were getting off the bus back at the school, he catches me and pulls my head down.He whispers in my ear, ‘Mom – me and T. We’ve been talking about it for a while and well, we *did it*!’Horror and fear. An uncomfortable phone call with T’s mother. We might have to move. What is the 5 y.o definition of ‘did it’?I regain my composure quickly and ask sweetly, ‘Did what, hon?”WE HUGGED!’T’s mother and I still get a kick out of this story and 5 years later, my son and T are still ‘dating’ on and off 😉

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