|Without divulging too much – I know, shocking that I try to use discretion – but without divulging too much I have to tell this story that’s got my head spinning. I learned this week that a friend of mine had an affair. Let’s call him Bob. No no no let’s call him Joe. No wait I’ve used that fake name before and it isn’t the same guy so: John. John is this wildly creative guy who has more charisma than most people. He has a marriage, which looks on the outside to be fun and rock solid. His wife is cute as can be, and when they are together they look like they should be posing for an advertisement for love. He has children, and they are hysterical and stylish, cute and carefree.|
John has historically been a solid figure, and more people look up to him than don’t. I know how relationships go. I’m not so naïve that I think you can tell what’s really happening in people’s lives from all the outward appearances. I knew John and his wife had their share of problems but I never believed that he would ever take things so far. I never thought he could be that dumb. Because when it comes down to it, it is just dumb. A person can be tempted but it takes true stupidity to lay your marriage and the lives of your children on the line for something you’ve been warned by Oprah about a million times. These feelings and the passion tend to burn out as quickly as they fire up right? Is it worth it?
Well John was that dumb, and his wife found out. In my view of things, I do not believe an affair is anything I could ever work past. I’m too much of a grudge holder, and for the rest of our lives every wrong thing ever done would be wrong to the tenth degree. I couldn’t live such an angry life. I would never wish that much anger into anyone’s life that would live with me. But John’s wife has decided to work through it. They’re trying to make it work, for the sake of their family. I haven’t been there, so I can’t say it’s a mistake or it’s enlightened. It’s just a messy situation, and it makes me so sad for them.
And also, somehow I’ve taken this affair personally. It doesn’t really have anything at all to do with me but it has created a change in me. I don’t want to see John, and his opinions about things are no longer important to me. I know it’s juvenile and possibly shortsighted of me, but for now, John cannot be my homie. His brand of selfishness isn’t something that I want in my life.
But I offer this question – am I being too judgmental? Am I being close-minded? And is it even my place to feel so betrayed when it really has nothing to do with me? I’m wondering if anyone has had experience, on one side or the other, that maybe would make me look at it differently. I’d love to hear your thoughts.