It Is Called Gay

Here I am again with yet another report from lunchtime at Roan’s school.  Really readers, I’m sorry.  But this is what I’ve got.  Either you get a report from my Gynecological exam this morning or this report from lunchtime.  Trust me, I’m doing you a favor.

Doing my usual rounds walking around and opening those impossible to open Go-Gurts, I hear one table full of boys saying, “Well, we’re getting married”.  To which a group groan is heard and one of the boys pulls me over.  “Hey hey hey, Roan’s mom!  Hey Roan’s mom!”  That’s me, by the way.  I saddle up on the seat next to him and he says to me with a mouth full of food, “That’s gay, right?”  Hmmmmmm.  I’m not sure I’ve heard what he said exactly right so I let him swallow the food and ask him to repeat.  “My mom told me that when two boys love each other, it is called gay.” 


Let me just say right here in the smack dab middle of the story that I love my gay homies.  I’m a girl that has always had loads of gay friends. I’m a girl that has accidentally as well as intentionally dated a few gay men, even setting up two of my ex-boyfriends with each other.  (It didn’t work out so well.)  I don’t know how it came to be this way being raised in a pretty strict Mormon household, in a small town with no real liberal influence anywhere in my life that I remember.  Still, here I am and have always been – just loving my gay homies.  Except the ones that are bitchy because I just don’t really dig anyone with that much attitude. 


So, to recap: “It is called gay” has been said to me by a five-year-old in front of a table of five-year-olds whose parents I do not know and have no idea how they would like me to respond.  But it seems very straightforward, because yes indeed it is called gay.  So that’s my answer.  Then he develops the idea further, “My mom also said that when there are two dads who are raising a kid together it is also called gay.”   Yes true that is most likely correct, sir.


And guess what citizens?  That was all.  There was pretty much no reaction from the table of boys, they moved on to the next thing, and I opened another Go-Gurt that once again squirted onto my shoes.  It was only on my walk home that I realized that maybe the exchange with this boy was meaningful.  The fact that he wasn’t looking for if it was good or bad and the table full of rowdy boys’ reaction was right in line with that says to me that possibly we’ve made some progress.  Understanding just that it is another type of relationship, and it is called gay seems like a step forward to me. 


19 responses to “It Is Called Gay

  1. This is great to hear! I can’t wait until this attitude (or lack thereof) makes it out here to the wilds of Idaho.

  2. Listen to the children, they will always tell you exactly what they need and exactly how much they need to know.

  3. dbean – Me too. Being familiar with that area of the world (don’t forget I did 13 years in Utah) I know that there are a lot of tolerant and progressive people out that way. When that becomes the norm rather than the exception, it will be a better world.

  4. If they could tell me my lucky lotto numbers I’d totally listen to them with more purpose…I kid.You’ve got a point. I do notice that when I believe Roan has asked me a profound question and I become all earnest on him he gets a little bored. Usually he’s looking for a 3 word answer. I think that’s going to be my new formula, now that I think of it.

  5. I wonder what the context was for when this kid’s mom told him about being gay. It sounds like the tone was non-judgemental. I agree, that is a step forward.

  6. I remember too well the kids flinging “gay” as an insult. It’s nice to hear that in Brooklyn they’re just asking for a definition. Forward, for sure.

  7. Amen and AMEN!!!! Perhaps there is reason to hope after all.

  8. Great news, thanks for sharing. I had a similar discussion with my son the other day. His godmother is gay and he kept asking me about girls being in love with girls. He seemed to be confused for a bit, and then it just hit him: “Like I’m in love with Mira!” Exactly. Since he loves a girl, why couldn’t anyone? Felt like a good start towards peace, love and understanding…Love from Stockholm

  9. That seems like progress to me, too. Awesome 🙂

  10. Brett – yeh well unfortunately that’s still happening around here as well. I wonder if one day it will disappear totally?Kat – always reasons to hope right? Thanks for that!Anna – Wow – all the way from Stockholm? What a great story about your son. I do believe that if we get this message to our kids when they are young, the world is going to be a much better place for them. Love is love. Jaden – thanks!

  11. All the way from Stockholm and back again! Could be that I need my daily NY fix or that you write so well. Your pick. (And I’m hearing you on the happy-like-I’m-gonna-burst-at-the-seams, check out my raisons d’être if you find the time.) God, my daughter just lifted my skirt and totally felt me up! Have to go!

  12. My daughter looked me in the eye and demanded to know, “Can girls marry each other?” I agonised for a moment over just how much explanation a six year old needed, but in the end just went for, “Yes”. It was enough and I just love the way with kids that’s just how it is and it doesn’t need to be more complicated. Loving your blog all the way from England by the way….

  13. This is great! Parents are afraid to educate their kids about homosexuality because knowing about it “might make them gay” *gasp*, and so not true.Regardless, great story. Progress.I live in Alpine (something I don’t reveal on my blog – but unlikely my 3 readers will find out my secret here) and I get my hair done in SLC at the Gateway. When I walked into the salon a few weeks ago, my stylist said, “We were JUST talking about you, and how Alpine is the gayest town in Utah.”I didn’t believe it, but four of the five gay men standing there talking were from Alpine.I said, “Well I’m not seein’ any gays in Alpine. Spread the word that they can all come hang out at our house and have wine with me.”I was told they all leave… *shrugs*

  14. Hey, honesty in this case was the best policy. You did good.

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